Reading Monsoon Dervish…

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Started another painting this morning…it went pretty quickly and I managed to get quite a lot of the tougher bits done by the time the sun was setting in the West and I couldn’t see to paint anymore.

The picture above is just a detail…with my exhibit coming up, I have got to stop showing every finished painting on my blog, or there will be nothing left to surprise visitors to the opening night with!

Why, yes, I am being coy…there will be paintings you haven’t seen yet, so if you live in Darwin and are reading this blog, you want to get your butt over to the Woods Street Gallery, DVAA in the City on November 4, Friday at 6 PM. In the other gallery will be the super talented artists of Jackson’s Drawing Supplies, and you KNOW they’re always making amazing stuff (and god I envy that they work inside a yummy art supplies shop!) so this is a double-show you don’t want to miss!

*whew!* Okay, spiel done, back to this painting…

The reason I had to post even just a detail is that I am so pleased and proud of this “book made of ocean and sky”…with a tiny Kehaar (that’s the boat Kris has gone sailing away on) pushing through the waves. I also love how the waves spill off the book and onto an area of my writing desk. I struggled with this bit, because it was pretty much fantasy, unlike the other objects, which I could set in front of me and draw studies from. I have to say it has turned out almost as good as I imagined it, and that’s very unusual for me, so I am squealingly pleased. The book could only be Kris’ self-published Monsoon Dervish, an account of the 11 or 12 years he went sailing, from Darwin to Madagascar, Zanzibar, Sri Lanka, Hong Kong, Japan, Vladivostok, Pusan, Sarawak, and The Philippines, where we met.

I listened to Sting’s album Symphonicities while painting this…and got a shiver everytime I heard The Pirate’s Bride (because  I am missing my seafaring love, as always…you know I wouldn’t be painting something like this if I weren’t!)

Giants of embroidery : : Tilleke Schwarz

tilleke schwarz count your blessings

It was 2007 and I Kris and I had been in Australia for about 9 months. I was working full time, had just acquired my very first Visa card, and was slowly, tentatively buying myself little treats online. One of the first things I spent on was a subscription to the Embroiderer’s Guild‘s magazine, Embroidery.

The work featured in this magazine blew my mind away. It was beyond craft, it was cutting-edge embroidered artistry that made me swoon and sigh and yibber to myself like a drunk.

Tilleke Schwarz was featured in one issue, and her work was like nothing I’d ever seen before: painterly strokes, vigorous lines of couching, dainty traditional motifs in counted-thread work, bits of fabric ephemera and patches appliquéd, everything peppered with seeding and straight stitches in wild colors on a hand-dyed linen ground. I stared at the work entitled Count Your Blessings for days, for weeks…the artist was using the thread and stitches as though they were pen and ink, or a loaded paintbrush…there was energy and busy movement crawling around on her “canvases”; the things were alive. I was electrified.

There is a narrative going on in each of her pieces, one that you can sort of put together if you follow the fragments of text that run, helter-skelter, all through her embroideries. The narratives seem extremely personal—like muttered-under-the-breath musings of the artist, and include a lot of computer terms and internet error messages, contemporary signs and information from trips she’d made overseas,  snippets of local lore from her life in The Netherlands. And cats, there are so many wonderful cats in her pieces; I love that.

tilleke schwarz detail of kat

I rushed to her website, and asked to buy a copy of her monograph, Mark Making. The title struck me as perfectly summing up Tilleke’s work; these were not exactly the laboriously planned, carefully executed and highly-polished works of the embroiderer’s craft (though of course it’s possible she does plan, and labour, and carefully execute…they just don’t look it)…these were more like the uninhibited, spontaneous and open results of a visual artist—a painter, say, or sculptor—expressing herself in thread.

The good lady herself replied to my e-mail, and when I received a copy of her book I found that she had very graciously added a note and signed it. *sigh* What a lovely woman. Mark Making remains one of my most-prized books on embroidery and art.

This brief bio is from her website:

My work is a mixture of graphic quality, content and fooling around. The humor in my work is typical for my Jewish background: a mixture of a laugh and a tear. Folk art and daily life are great sources for inspiration. I use mixed media with a focus on embroidery on linen and on drawings and paintings.

My work can be understood as a kind of visual poetry. It is a mixture of contemporary influences, graffiti, icons, texts and traditional images from samplers. The embroidery contains narrative elements. Not really complete stories, with a beginning, a storyline, and an end. On the contrary, the narrative structures are used as a form of communication with the viewer.

The viewer is invited to decipher connections or to create them. The viewer may assemble the stories and to produce chronological and causal structures. Actually the viewer might step into the role of the “author”. It can become a kind of play between the viewer and me. The work also relates to the history of humanity that is determined through stories.

tilleke schwarz I have known them all

tilleke schwarz rites

tilleke schwarz wysiwyg

tilleke schwarz Deer

via Tilleke Schwarz

Star of the Sea

star of the sea
star of the sea

Sat quietly on the boat yesterday, embroidering this little feather star, my Stella Maris…a simple project, using just straight stitches and some iridescent DMC stranded polyester floss. Signs of the coming wet season fill me with a gentle melancholy, and the lovesick madness that inspired my last post has passed.

I woke up Monday morning as though from a long and bizarre dream…shook my head to clear away the last drifts of fairy dust, and knew it was all over. “Madness,” I call it, thinking myself free and restored to sanity after that week of lunacy (I am convinced now that it was the full moon) though last night this passage from Henry Miller’s Nexus seemed to speak directly to my experience, and left me smiling at the poignancy of it all:

Fleeting though such a love may be, can we say that there had been a loss? The only possible loss—and how well the true lover knows it!—is the lack of that undying affection which the other inspired. What a drab, dismal, fateful day that is when the lover suddenly realizes that he is no longer possessed, that he is cured, so to speak, of his great love! When he refers to it, even unconsciously, as a “madness”. The feeling of relief engendered by such an awakening may lead one to believe in all sincerity that he has regained his freedom. But at what price! What a poverty-stricken sort of freedom. Is it not a calamity to gaze once again upon the world with everyday sight, everyday wisdom? Is it not heartbreaking to find oneself surrounded by beings who are familiar and commonplace? Is it not frightening to think that one must carry on, as they say, but with stones in one’s belly and gravel in one’s mouth? To find ashes, nothing but ashes, where once were blazing suns, wonders, glories, wonders upon wonders, glory beyond glory, and all freely created as from some magic fount?

If there is anything which deserves to be called miraculous, is it not love? What other power, what other mysterious force is there which can invest life with such undeniable splendour?

And it’s so true. The craziness that took over my life last week may have been unnerving because I seemed to have so little control over my own feelings, yet I felt thrillingly alive because of it. I had vivid dreams, and walked through the world on a tiny little roller-skate-shaped clouds, and everything was intense, humming and wonderful. I wanted to ravish the world, and it seemed to want me back.

The return to sanity is, in a way, the end of magic.

goodbye, winter...

The dry wintery weather may be gone for good, I think. Up at 5 this morning, waiting for the sunrise, which never quite blazed forth. Instead, a milky light broke wanly from underneath a long, smoke-dark cloud that stretched across the harbour, and a windless hush came over the water. It started to drizzle soon after that, and went on for about an hour. The air smelled of wet leaves and watermelon. Don’t ask me why the sea sometimes smells like watermelon, it just does, okay? Trust me.

Huntsman and quarry

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I too beneath your moon, almighty Sex,
Go forth at nightfall crying like a cat,
Leaving the lofty tower I laboured at
For birds to foul and boys and girls to vex
With tittering chalk; and you, and the long necks
Of neighbours sitting where their mothers sat
Are well aware of shadowy this and that
In me, that’s neither noble nor complex.
Such as I am, however, I have brought
To what it is, this tower; it is my own;
Though it was reared To Beauty, it was wrought
From what I had to build with: honest bone
Is there, and anguish; pride; and burning thought;
And lust is there, and nights not spent alone.

—sonnet from Huntsman, What Quarry? (1939) by Edna St.Vincent Millay

Painted this in one afternoon. I’m going through my “unrequited lust” stage, now…this always happens when Kris has been gone a month or two. Who would believe the dramatic episodes that a woman living alone can go through? Funniest part about it is that, on the surface of things, life continues in its normal way. I go to work, I meet friends, I shop for cat food and apple juice. But my libido is in turmoil, and my demented nights seethe with a sexual appetite that unnerves me. I tend to drink alone a lot, at this stage, and play a lot of velvety-voiced jazz, and dance in the dark with my arms wrapped around myself, and read feverish poetry, and fantasize. Some nights I feel like screaming with the frustration, and think that I must have an amorous encounter—anything! anything!—or throw myself overboard! I feel like a teenager. Or a cat in heat. Hence the painting, and the fragment of sonnet (that I painted from memory and have only just realized I got wrong…it’s “nightfall” not “midnight”).

It seems so ridiculous when I write about it, and right now I laugh at my histrionics, but believe me, I’ve spent quite a few sleepless nights staring at the moon this past week, thinking that if someone perhaps came along in the dark now, I might devour him. Would I? Not really…I still possess a shred of reason, and that’s always been enough to prevent me from doing something really stupid. But god, I ache for some serious lovin’!

The ground, so solid and dependable just a few weeks ago, suddenly seems like a soft, treacherous film floating on a swamp. It’ll pass, it always does (maybe it was last week’s full moon?) but until then, I tread softly! And paint, paint, paint…

Cameo of my parents home in a film with religious flavor

from the balcony

Ikaw Ang Pag-Ibig (You Are Love), the latest movie by the award-winning Philippine director Marilou Diaz-Abaya, was partly shot in my parents home. It hits Philippine theaters tomorrow, September 14. Here’s a synopsis from the film’s site:

The movie revolves around a young, contemporary, rebellious woman Vangie Cruz (Ina Feleo), whose family life and career as a video editor are disrupted when her only brother, a newly ordained priest, Fr. Johnny (Marvin Agustin), is diagnosed of [sic] Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). As a sibling, Vangie is called upon to be a donor for Fr. Johnny’s bone marrow transplant. At first, Vangie is very reluctant. She has a clinical phobia for [sic] medical precedures, the reasons for which are rooted in an attempted, but botched, abortion which she suffered through many earlier and has since been troubled about. Her life is saved by Dr. Joey Lucas (Jomari Yllana) with whom she has a love child, and whom she eventually marries.

Vangie’s dysfunctional family gravitates around Fr. Johnny, and in their struggle to cope with his illness, find themselves drawn to INA (?!?), begging for her intercession. Their prayers are answered, not so much by way of a miraculous cure for Fr. Johnny, but by the grace of conversion, of love, of forgiveness, reconciliation, and hope.

The trailer for this movie is a sentimental, sappy mess…very heavy-handed with our particularly emotional brand of Catholic fervour and melodrama, the swelling music hinting at the maudlin intercession of a venerated statue, the cheesiest kind of pulling-your-heartstrings dialogue, enough pathos-around-the-death-bed scenes to compete with Brideshead Revisited,  and mediocre shots of Filipino suburban ‘dysfunctional’ family life.

In a word, ghastly.

Approved by a dozen Catholic film and education boards, this is a film that kids will be forced to watch a dozen times during their years at school, now and forever, till Kingdom come, amen. Sort of the way we were regularly doused with The Selfish Giant or movies about Our Lady of Fatima. There are moral messages in this film on abortion, on separation, on having children out of wedlock, on adultery, on one’s flagging faith, on charity and selfless giving…when Marilou Diaz-Abaya throws a picnic, you get to eat every single part of the Sacred Cow. I fucking hope the audience is hungry!

But the work is of slight interest to me for one reason: parts of it show my parents’ home, where I grew up, and as the family is planning on selling this house (too large for Mum and Dad to manage, now that they live there by themselves) I may grab a DVD of the film, when it becomes available, to have something else to remember the big gabled house on Hill Drive by.

The following shots were taken by my Dad, who was thrilled to bits by all the hustle and bustle when the film crews moved in.

fake sunlight

The garden was greened up for the film, and a massive spotlight beamed into the dining room windows to imitate a brilliant early-morning sunlight while the crew shot, at all times of the day or night.

a boy's bedroom

One of the kids’ bedrooms (my brothers and I rotated occasionally, for a change of scenery, so we’ve all had this room at some point in our childhoods) was transformed into a little boy’s room for the film. It was never quite so thematically a kid’s room when we ourselves lived here! Don’t understand why, after all the trouble of assembling toys and painting walls blue, the curtains are so mismatched, and the bedsheets haven’t been ironed. I’m just being nit-picky. :)

We ourselves never had curtains in our bedrooms, there were wooden louvres to pull across the windows when we wanted privacy. The other bedroom is even funnier…was done up as a young woman’s room, with very stuffy boudoir old rose wallpaper and a dresser with Post-it notes like “Call Johnny” stuck to the mirror. My family continued to live in the house during the filming, with photographs of a family of actors arranged in frames atop the piano, and my thirty-something brother trying to live a normal life surrounded by an 8-year-old’s teddy bear and Star Wars collection.

crew in the house

For the record, here’s the official trailer. It’s not sub-titled, and I was disappointed to see so little of the actual house in it. No doubt there will be more glimpses in the actual film. Which I may steel myself with a vodka and cigarette some night, and watch.

reading pile…

Picnik collage

Between bouts of painting or embroidery, I have also been reading. What a delicious, decadent thing it is to have the afternoon off, and a new book from the library waiting to be cracked open! I get shivers of pleasure just knowing that such an afternoon is waiting for me. I can’t get over what a privilege it is to be able to sit down for a spell, open a book, and—how can this not be magic?—suddenly find a distinct human voice, the voice of an author…from another place, a different culture, another time, start to speak.

These are the books I’ve managed to read since August. Any of them familiar to you? If you’ve read a title or more, I’d love to hear what you thought of it/them.

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Status Anxiety and How Proust Can Change Your Life,

both by Alain de Botton

Fine, fine, I’m a big fan of pretty much anything de Botton writes. I like the easy, familiar, almost casual way he moves through forests of philosophy, literature, and The Big Ideas. I like the way he applies classical thinking to solve or at least illuminate very ordinary, modern problems—calling on heavy artillery like Aristotle, Seneca, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Montaigne, Proust and many others, to deal with these sordid, pathetic, all-too-human grievances.

Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders by Neil Gaiman

What can I say? Gaiman is a fantastic storyteller, with an imagination that is not of this world. He is playful and experiments a lot—as he did with the stories and fragments in this work—but his play is backed up by a tremendous body of knowledge about all things strange, creepy, sublime; also, a passionate curiosity about all the quirky things that make up the experience of being human. When this writer asks “What if…?” universes are banged into existence, and some of them are so wonderful that I find myself wishing I could apply for citizenship, and move there. Also, his language is a joy. Neither too erudite nor dumbed down, the words are chosen not only for their meanings, but for their music. Gaiman’s stories are perfect to read out loud, because they sound lovely. Not a word out of place, not one unnecessary phrase or sentence.  Hard to explain, neither frugal nor extravagant…like Goldilocks’s porridge test, Gaiman’s choice of “the best words, in the best order” is somehow Just Right.

My only puzzled question about Fragile Things pertains to his story about a Chinese Emperor who went crazy designing bigger and bigger maps…maps so true to the original (scale 1:1) that they became quite useless.  Gaiman writes a short introduction/background about each of his stories, and I couldn’t figure out why, in his introduction to this particular story, he made absolutely no mention of either Lewis Carrol‘s Sylvie and Bruno, or Jorge Luis Borges‘ short story The Rigours of Science (Del rigor en la ciencia) upon which Gaiman so obviously based his own work on. I cannot believe it was oversight, and I am positive he did borrow the idea from one or the other, if not both…there is no way that he could have stumbled upon the same idea on his own…not because he isn’t clever enough, but because it would have been impossible for a writer and reader of his calibre to avoid Carrol’s and Borges’ story in all the years of his life. Maybe he just didn’t think it mattered enough to mention his sources…*shrugs* Fair enough, I’ll accept that. I’ll accept anything, so long as Gaiman writes it. *smile*

Twilight of Love: Travels with Turgenev by Robert Dessaix

Interestingly, Robert Dessaix’s wiki says that this work takes its inspiration from “Alain de Botton‘s works on travel, art and philosophy.” Explains why I like it so much, it does run along the same vein. Defying classification, it is a personal travelogue that incorporates, or at times runs parallel to biographical notes on Turgenev. I love both kinds of writing…artistic or philosophical reflections upon travel, as well as stories of the larger-than-life Russian writers of the 19th century. This book was like listening to an orchestra perform a major work: pleasurable and rich, but I had to work for that pleasure, I had to pay attention in order to get something back.

The Library At Night by Alberto Manguel

Books about books are some of my favorite reading. The Library At Night looks at both real , fictional, and mythical libraries. Manguel writes about library architecture, unusual and eccentric systems of cataloguing, the destruction of some of the world’s greatest libraries, the survival of others, about famous librarians (Borges, already blind, became Director of The National Library in Buenos Aires). It’s a beautiful celebration of the library as more than just a storage for books, but a symbol of man’s thirst for knowledge, of human life (as in Borges’ fictional library, where heaven is a library and every life is a book), in our longing—already become nostalgia—for immortality.

After Dark by Haruki Murakami

Not among my major favorites by this author, but I liked fragments tucked away here and there. The world in Murakami’s writing is generally quite stark, lonely, isolated…one gets the impression of too much unnatural light…small cold rooms in large unfeeling buildings…the echoing sanitary hallways of hospitals…and there is always a maddening feeling that everything has gone quiet, expectant, and something is about to explode. In his major novels, explode it does, and there a very satisfying catharsis. After Dark sort of kept that hushed and expectant feeling through to the end, and after I’d shut the book I felt like there were bright white spots clouding my vision, as though I’d been staring at a thousand-watt bulb for three hours, when the lights were suddenly turned off.

An interesting thing about this book is that the persona is Mari, a young woman…usually his personas are male (though I have not read all his novels). Although even as the lead character, Mari is rather meek. She’s cool—I liked her—not a silly, giggling girl, but slightly cynical, guarded, definitely able to think for herself, a reader of thick books. A friend of mine told me she was irritated by the way Murakami depicts women: weak, passive, victims, prizes, or objects. I agree, Murakami’s women are mannequins; but I’m way past the point where I read a feminist slight into this, or insist that a book’s female characters be strong and complex and compelling. Probably because I am past the age of looking for female role models from among the characters in books. Also, it must be terribly hard to be a typical male, and write from within the head of woman. Come to think of it, many of the male-authored female characters I have enjoyed were so likeable probably because they were actually men, trying to be women, and that’s what made them so tough.

The parts I loved in this book are where Murakami writes about the Dark, the Night, the phantom hours between nightfall and dusk…where, he posits, the hard, crisp edges between people dissolve, the boundaries waver, reality twists and our dreams and fears and pain and longing all become part of one dark, deep, monster-trawled ocean. Like Robert Frost, Murakami is one acquainted with the night…and he reveals these long, lonely hours with tenderness, with knowing.

Strangers by Taichi Yamada

This is a great little jewel of a book, a ghost story quite unlike your typical Western ghost story. A television scriptwriter moves into his office after losing his house to his ex-wife in divorce. The building is occupied by businesses and offices—buzzing with phones and commerce by day, but empty at night—and there are only two people who actually live in units, the writer, and a young woman named Kei. The ghosts of the story are the writer’s parents, and there is nothing terrifying about them…quite the opposite, they are lovely people and being able to see them again brings the writer tremendous joy and peace. But the unnatura contact between the living and the dead is killing him. Kei’s love for him seems like the only thing that can save him from crossing over to the other side.

this short novel blew my mind. The writing (even in translation) was refreshingly bland…no, really! It’s like your own voice, when it’s running along, in its ordinary way, in your own head…and that’s what gave this work such verisimilitude: No heroic or poetic pronouncements, no Henry Miller cerebral acrobatics (see next book)…just a salary man muttering and musing to himself. It’s a voice you don’t hear all the time unless you are alone a lot. And that’s what this book is all about…the tremendous loneliness that can exist in individuals, and their desperate attempts to break out of that loneliness, and connect with one another.

The ending of Strangers totally threw me for a loop, too…no spoilers, this is one you’ve got to read for yourself. It’s delicious.

Plexus by Henry Miller

Fascinating Mr. Miller…Plexus is the second in a trilogy known as the Rosy Crucifixion Trilogy. The novel is largely autobiographical, and covers the period in Miller’s life when he and his second wife were bumming in New York…trying to find the money to live in the decadent and high-spirited way to which they were accustomed, but without having to succumb to a regular and soul-killing nine-to-five job. Not yet published, but convinced that he is destined to be a writer, Miller seems so ‘stuck’ and yet manages to hang onto his conviction that one day he will write something, and it will be amazing.

And so he did. This is a massive book, so much (disparate) material mixed into it (just like a real life, I guess you could say) and sometimes Miller waxes sentimental, sometimes he’s a bearded prophet in furs, come out of the wilderness raving and prophetic, and sometimes he’s a lazy and irresponsible jerk, but always, always, he is an artist, deep in his soul—not just when it’s easy or convenient, but even when they haven’t eaten for days, or have nowhere to sleep, Henry Miller knows that to run for security and comfort will cut him off from the writer he is destined to be. And those are the best parts of the book, the art and literature ravings, the gut-wrenching fears of failure, the struggle to stay true to something that nobody else can see. I think every artist should read Plexus, to see that the creative life isn’t always a bed of roses, sometimes it’s a road to crucifixion.

Lateral Thinking by Edward de Bono

this will have to wait…I’m not very deep into it, yet. Jumped the gun, adding it to the mosaic (for symmetry’s sake, no doubt).

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I don’t feel comfortable reviewing books…I pretty much like anything that I read, because the ones I can’t stand, I don’t bother to finish. Really, in the end, everyone’s got their likes and dislikes, I think that one should read whatever calls out to her, and not force herself to read those titles—however classical, celebrated, or popular they may be—which she clearly does not enjoy.

That said, give each book a chance, read at least a few pages to see how it develops…to reject a book simply because you have decided you don’t like the genre it has been thrown in with, or precisely because it is the sort of doorstop tome that snooty literary types insist you must read, is just as foolish. A book is a voice, and every voice deserves a chance to make itself heard, if only so that you can make an informed decision about whether you want to go on listening to that voice or not.

Galimafree d’internaute

firefox collage

A gallimafree is a hodge-podge, a mixture, of diverse ingredients…and the French have this absolutely  delightful word for someone who surfs the web a lot…he or she is called an internaute…yes, like a cosmonaut, or an astronaut. I love it, it’s so succinct in a pop-culture way.

Naturally you’ve all seen Mozilla Firefox’s little “Webify Me” collage by now (if you use Firefox as your browser, of course).

This is what I got after answering the 20 questions…except that in this pic I have covered the statue of liberty over with a flower and butterfly, and covered their blank “HELLO my name is” card with a red one of my own that I just happened to make a few weeks ago—this card was actually my facebook profile pic for a while, just thought I’d re-use it. The collage “touch-ups” were done in Picnik.

HELLO

Otherwise, the collage was not a bad “likeness” of me…from the sailing compass, to the fat cat, the knitting needles, the crayons, the perfume bottle, spoon, film, USB thumb drive, and the Magician card (I actually have this 1970′s deck, the Aquarian deck, it was my first-ever Tarot deck…now using Crowley’s.)

*Psst! Can you tell I’m padding? These days I’m filling in for someone at work (she’s gone on holiday) so I’m offline and not doing anything particularly creative, hence have nothing much to write about. Go make something artistic, why don’t you? LOL…*

No feedback on the new theme, at all…hope that means you don’t mind it! ;) Hope that means you like it! (Or is that hoping for a little too much?)

The Wild Teacup Dance

the wild teacup dance

This strange creature popped into existence last Tuesday, just like that. I started with ideas of  Kali, The Destroyer, and ended up with this, instead. Very weird. Far from done, but I am happy I got so much in a single afternoon…

Some of the ideas that were floating around when I started this:

willow plates and Meissen porcelain…….willow trees….fertility rites…..Goddess Kali, the Destroyer……French mimes……Morris dancing……leprechauns…..redheads